The First Trip Off the Wagon

I know, you are thinking that I fell off the wagon with the whole biscut debacle - but I actually kept to my 26 points that day and ran 7 miles.  I didn't even fall off the wagon on my birthday...but I have been dreaming about Halapaka's cupcakes from Victoria, Texas...mmmm chocolate icing!  I didn't even have birthday cake.  I had a tiny 1 pt WW cake...which P.S. are REALLY good! 

Well last weekend - during week 5 - I FELL OFF THE WAGON. 

Headfirst - it hurt, I have scars.

I went to Houston to visit HSSH (High School Sweet Heart & BF of 8 years...I know you are thinking...put a ring on it, but I have to finish school!)  HSSH praised me about my weigth loss and how proud of me he was.  BTW he called last week to get my address and I'm like um...why do you need it...the sweetheart that he is, got me a subscription to the WW magazine so I could have more hints and tips and recipies...God I love this man.  He is SO supportive. 

Well...he takes me to an Astros game...and makes me wear a hoopdy BRIGHT ORANGE shirt and cute ball cap...he was my stylist.  Well...I REALLY want a sundae in one of those baseball helments...REAL BAD....we went for a 30 minute HARD run that morning.  Maggie - the gianormous yellow lab - didn't move for 4 hours when we came home...poor yellow. 

Let me back up a bit - we went to family/friends house before the game and had fajitas - HSSH went and bought shirmp and veggies for me so I could eat super well for just a few points...well the hostess kept those margaritas coming...1 margarita is 5, count them, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 points...yikes!  Um...I have 5 activity points to swap...and to be fair there is thtat whole 35 points weekely allowance thing I never use...okay WWWW don't sweat it...

Then we get to the ballgame...and HSSH decided in teh 7th inning I should get my sundae...

Then the momement comes...hey I chose frozen yougurt - the swirly kind.  Its better for you right?  Don't go judgin.  I ate it...and it was everything I thought it would be and more...

Well then HSSH come back with stadium nachos...

Um HSSH can I have a nacho? 

Yes baby of course you can...wait should I eat one?  Its a ballgame.  You work hard...eat the nachos...

Um...welll, okay HSSH....

Let me point out that he went two levels down to get these nachos becuase they were soldout on our level...After attacking them like a hyena does a leftover lion carcass I handed them back...and sheepishly smilled at HSSH...burp...oh is that cheese on my lip?

HSSH...Um, baby did you enjoy those?  Me - Why yes I did.  HSSH, Um, you only left me the really soggy ones...I did?  Oh I am so sorry!  HSSH...thats okay, I am glad you enjoyed them.  (later he would tell me her loved me on or off the wagon even with soggy nachos...) Perhaps I should also mention that I had one of those huge beers - that really should have been served in a paper baggie...

Well...then we went back to our friends house...and my stomach violently got rid of all the naughty food I ate.  Clearly my body is becoming accustomed to the veggies, whole wheat and lean protien...well it was fun while it lasted.

Then I may or may not have had some cheese dip and chips...and 1/2 a bottle of wine (we had a designated driver)...and I made the cheese dip with 2% velvetta...that counts for something right?

(I digress - I found this online...If you ate velveeta often your butt would not look like this - I'd be about 2 feet wider and more lumpy than a vat of cottage cheese...I still think its hilarious!)

The next morning, dazed, confused and feeling a little dirty from the night before...I decided it was time to get right back on the wagon.  HSSH TAKE ME TO SUBWAY!!!

The first Subway we find has about 30 little girls who were a part of a team standing in line...um I LOVE kids...but that is not the kinda place you take them to without pre-ordering a party platter...DUH!

There is a mexican place NEXT door...the aromas...melted cheese, ENCHALADAS....but no, onward HSSH...to the next subway.

And I got back on the wagon with apples, H20 and a 6 inch turkey sub, wheat bread, 1 slice of cheese, pickes, black olives, LIGHT mayo, tomatoes and spinach.

That's not my actual sandwhich...

Wagon - the ground was nice while it lasted - but I missed you.

Port Salut

From week one I have been craving Port Salut Cheese. 

Its like a million points a serving. 

(Again...to back up, I am assuming you know that Weight Watchers is set up on a points system?  Based on a whole bunch of factors you get a set amount of points you can eat per day - I'm at 26, I started at 27 (everytime you lose ten pounds or move into a new age bracket you get less points).  26 points can be a LOT of food - you just have to make smart choices.  Naughty foods are "expensive" points wise, naturally.  But you can gain activity points for working out - thus I run 7 - 10 miles a night...so I can go over on my points if I want.  But I usually do not - there is also a weekly 35 points that WW calls an allowance.  This WildWoman REFUSES to touch those...I'm a bit fanatical.) 

I dream of going to H.E.B. and purchasing that $9 wedge of cheese...

slowly peeling the rind off...

(insert mouth watering)

and eating the entire thing, bit by glorious bite.

And that is all I need to say about that....Amen.

A little bit about the WildWoman

Well - I realize now that I have done this a little backwards.  Like a good little south Texas girl let me introduce myself...lets call me WW...

I am the Weight Watchers WildWoman, She is me. 

But more importantly she is EVERY woman who has ever looked at the waifs in the magazines and thought "I'm not pretty" or "I'm not thin enough."  The part of us that will never accept that fact that we are beautiful and perfect - NO MATTER WHAT!

Even though I'm 23 - oh wait, oh crap - I'm 24...I've had a long enough history with food that I could fill up 40 years.  I suffered with anorexia in high school - boy is that not pretty.  And its not surprising considering that the media would have you believe the only women worth loving are a size 0 - or smaller.  I just want to feed those girls some friend chicken - God Bless 'Em.

I gained wieght like CRAZY in college - I went from a size 6 to a size 16.  And since I'm fixing to finish my Master's degree at Texas A&M University (no Aggie jokes please) I've been in college 6 years.  Um...lets see 10 lbs a year on average?  YIKES...Not feeling pretty or God forbid - sexy -  and not happy with myelf anymore I decided it was time to make a change.  I didn't know HOW to do it. And after strictly controlling food during the anoreixa battle could I ever introduce ANY little bit of control back into my eating without relapsing?  It was time to find out.  It all happened by accident. 

I texted my aunt to see if she wanted to grab lunch - ironically she was in an informational meeting about Weight Watchers at work - she asked me to join.  And I did.  And I was SCARED!  But I made a promise to myself - I knew I could do it.  I needed to do it.  My family medical history is littered with heart problems,l HBP and diabetes.  I can't afford to be overwright.  I want to be thin when I get married.  I want to wear a bathing suit during the summer.  I want to wear tank tops!!!!  So with the support of the love of my life, friends and family I set off on a journey of self discovery.  That was then...Let's look at now.   

Here we are 6 weeks into the program - I have lost 5% of my starting weight.  (Which okay ladies - I'll tell was 202.6).  On a 5'7'' frame that is not good.  My "normal" (who is?) weight range is between 130 and 160.  Now I have lost 10.2 pounds and I run between 7 and 10 miles per night on the elliptical.  AND I CRAVE the RUNNING.  Set that elliptical up in front of the tv and run my heart out watching DVR'd General Hospital, All My Children and One Life to Live (You are thinking - she said 24 not 64 right? I'm a 4th generation soap watcher - its in my genes, my Nanny God rest her soul wouldn't leave the house when her programs were on.) 

So I'm going to do my best to keep you updated on my progress, trials, tribulations, cravings, trips off the wagon, recipies and ideas for staying healthy.

Who knows - maybe Oprah will discover me or something right?  Enjoy it.  Comment, etc.  I can't wait to hear from you  - I'd love to hear your stories as well or helpful hints and tips.

For all of you who are right there with me - WE CAN DO IT!!

They Have My NUMBER!

This post is for all you conspiracy theorists out there...I'm a beleiver now! 

Okay...so you know the Weight Watchers saga right?




Well I am DILLIGENT about tracking my points and STICKING to them. No weekly allowance points here, no sir.



I run my butt of and eat my activity points - and often not all of them.



Today we got our week six book...



And now I am PARANOID....



For someone has been watching me.



They saw me eat two of my Dad's Sun Chips and not count them...



They saw me eat a bite of my Dad's Lasanga...



They saw me a bite of all the good food Klaus gets to eat but I don't...like his 'nilla custard the other night..and then there was the pita bite... Really I wanted to stick him for the custard it...



Just tiny little bites - and this is rare - maybe once or twice a week do I have an "illegal" untracked, uncounted bite of something sinful.



Well, lo and fricken behold this book is like...YOU BITE IT YOU TRACK IT...



Um, EXCUUUUUSSSSEE ME? You want me to track EVERY STINKIN BITE THAT I PUT IN MY MOUTH?



I mean let's be honest. I have wanted to shank some of these people from whom I have stolen these precious, delicious, wonderous, tasty bites from so that I could eat ALL of their food.



But I have willpower. I can refrain. I can have one bite and totally convince myself that I am doing such a good job practicing restraint. (Did I mention I was gullible?)



And they want to take away my bites? They make them dirty and forbidden?



I think not.



DAMN YOU WEEK SIX BOOK - YOU CAUGHT ME BITE HANDED!



Weight Watchers people stop watching me with your creepy governement satellites! GO AWAY. What happend to HIPPA and all that?



GET OUT OF MY HEAD!



So screw you Weight Watchers Week Six book.



I will have my illegal bites and I WILL HAVE THEM WHEN I WANT THEM AND I WILL NOT COUNT THEM!

(screams toward the celing at the omnipresent Weight Watchers satellites)



But now I will feel dirty and guilty about it.



Gee, thanks a lot wieght watchers.

Return to the Biscut

So I told the biscut story at the Weight Watchers meeting yesterday...(clearly I need to catch up on this blog)




(a MUCH shorter, less "colorful" version")



I got a BRAVO sticker for my bookmark...(we talk and share during meetings and the WW lady gives us these tiny green BRAVO stickers for good ideas, behaviors, etc.  I have a million of the 'lil suckers cause I can't keep my trap shut...)

Why you ask?



Because I looked up the points value BEFORE I gave into my craving...



I was like...way to be Weight Watchers lady...look for the positive.



What I really needed was a swift kick in the arse for eating that second biscut.



You know it, I know it.



A BRAVO sticker for eating two biscuts?? Well, no one said the program was perfect! ;)

The Biscut Strikes Back

So...I have been sitting at my desk all day trying to ignore the bitch on my

shoulder who keeps going...fatty want some fried chicken...mmhhmmmm

delicious spicy Popeyes...come and get it...soooouueeeyy...here fatty

fatty....


I eat grapes...and ignore her. Fuck you little shoulder bitch I can do

this...



I begin to get curious...so I go online to Popeyes, you know just to check

on the points values...



I then spend the next 30 minutes dowloading Adobe Reader so that I can see

the nutritional information from Popeyes...



I then discover that one spicy leg (batter, skin and all) is 2pts. What 2

points? Why shucks that ain't nothing...two legs is 5 pts (WW math is

really odd - but my handy dandy points calculator to the rescue).



Then...well look here they have green beans...only 1pt. Why chicken and

green beans, well hunny you can eat that sure 'nuff. Why you will run those

points off tonight.



Then I think...biscut. I LOVE Popeyes biscuts. They are the lover of my

soul. So I look...6 pts a friggin biscut - YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING Me...



But then that bitch on my shoulder starts yapping...well you get 8 activity

points for your run...blah, blah, blah.



Suddenly I have decided, 2 legs, 1 biscut and green beans. A steep lunch at

12 points but hey my run is worth 8 right? So I'll eat GREAT tonight. I

then call my mother to seek permission for this action as if WW has suddenly

made me three. In reality I need to talk/think it over, process. As I sped

towards the nearest Popeyes (which I know gets shut down frequently and

often scores POORLY on its health inspections...but hey a girls got NEEDS

you know?)...



I order..green beans first....



The crackly drive through voice..."Mam we don't have green beans"



Well SHIT...there goes the healthy part...



2 spicy legs and a biscut please...



As I get to the window he says is a voice so slurred its a mixture of

jiggabo, eubonics and I was high before I came to work, he informs me that

the biscut comes with my legs...did I want the extra biscut. I firmly say

NO and shake my head side to side. 2 biscuts - you crazy??



I get my box...sign the receipt...



And pull around THE BACK OF THE GAS STATION AND PARK. As if eating BEHIND

the gas station will somehow make this less shameful. I already know I won't

be making any progress in the slow food movemement. My only hope is that

someone doesn't report a hyena attacking bones in a black truck behind a gas

station.



Then





I





Open





THE





BOX





and lo and fricken behold I must have looked hungry or something becuase

home fries has put not ONE BUT TWO 6PT BISCUTS IN MY BOX...



Fuck. Now what?



Do I drive back through and demand he remove the biscut from my box? A

better woman might have. Do I ship it to Africa for the starving kids?

Impractical - those lines at the post office and all. Should I drive to

Bryan and give it to the homeless? Gas is too expensive. Should I ask a

random person to take the biscut? Again, I'm trying to avoid a newsworthy

story here...



(Let me also mention that home slice put TWO packets of honey in the box -

WHO DOES THAT??!! Where is the SLACKER Popeyes guy who throws just the

chiken in the box and FORGETS your biscut...)



I eat, okay DEVOUR one piece of chicken..this might not be KFC but it is

finger lickin good.



I ginerly bite into the first, dually authorized biscut...savoring, tasting,

orgasming...etc.



Soon both pieces of chicken and the first biscut are gone.



Then its me and the bisuct behind the gas station...the biscut is taunting

me...Fatty eat me...my mind desperatly tries to calculate um 2 biscuts at 12

points (probably higher - remember the weird math???) plus 5 pts for

chicken...that is 17 pts...I get 26 pts per day, my run is 8 points...



At which point I implode.



All good thoughts and willpower? Where did they go?





I'm pretty sure they are still behind the gas station.







I





ATE





the





BISCUT.





And I licked my fingers. And I didn't want to swallow the last bite becuase

my mouth was EXPLODING with happiness.

And I SPED away.



I was back at work in 15 minutes...



If I don't mark it on my timesheet did it ever actually happen?



I mean, well..


At least I didn't eat the honey...



Don't go judgin me or nothing...